01.19.08
Give a laugh
It’s funny. but i am not ashamed of being chinese. its cute.
“You Know You’ve Lived in China Too Long When…
A June 2001 Great Wall Cabernet (mixed with Sprite) is your vintage of choice
7- you get your haircut on the sidewalk.
8- You leave the ‘Garbano’ designer label conspicuously on the jacket sleeve.
12- You have grown used to the picture quality of pirated VCDs.
15- You find yourself “getting back to nature” in a park that contains nothing but concrete and a giant revolutionary statue.
18- You like the smell of the bus.
19- Open spaces make you nervous.
20- You find state-employed retail staff helpful, knowledgeable and friendly.
21- People with bright white teeth look frightening to you.
22- You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.
23- Other foreigners seem foreign to you.
24- You find yourself exiting a major highway…on your bike.
25- You find western toilets uncomfortable.
26- You throw your used toilet paper in the basket (as a courtesy to the next person).
27- You think that the heavy air actually contains valuable nutrients that you need to stay healthy.
28- Any discomfort causes you to think there might be something wrong with your ‘Qi’.
29- Your body no longer accepts dairy products.
30- You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood.
31- You ask people in what animal year they were born.
32- You measure distances in ‘Li’.
33- You think you speak Chinese fluently.
34- Squatting becomes your favourite position, anytime, anywhere.
35- You think a 30 year old woman who carries a Hello Kitty lunch box is cute.
36- You can’t put a proper sentence together in your native language.
37- You developed an acquired taste for mooncakes
38- You have stopped noticing the grotesquely deformed leper on the Exchange Square flyover.
39- A sexual pervert is a man who prefers women to money.
40- Your building’s security guard is 4 times older than the building itself.
41- It’s OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th-floor window.
42- Thanks to karaoke, you know who has the most singing talent in your building.
43- You believe that pressing the lift button 63 times will make it move faster.
44- The ultimate status symbol is a lawn-mower.
45- You know it is useless to protest when the lady at the supermarket
check-out wraps one toothbrush in 6 plastic bags.
46- You learnt to recognise Andy Lau, Leon Lai, Aaron Kwok and Jacky Cheung. AND JACKY CHAN
47- You aren’t aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
48- Pink bathroom tiles can make any building or public garden beautiful.
49- Your colleagues eat sun-dried cuttlefish coated in sugar and you don’t bat an eyelid.
50- You actually purchased a canto-pop CD
51- You actually played it several times.
52- A PhD in Nuclear Physics fluent in 7 languages irons your socks for a pittance but she is from the Philippines so it’s all right.
53- You are not surprised to see your tap water run dark brown.
54- You tell your parents their house back in your home country has bad feng shui.
55- You are not surprised to see 85-year old ladies pushing tons of garbage up the streets of the financial district.
56- You use the word “Ayyiieeaaahh” every few sentences to convey surprise, pleasure, pain or anger.
57- You believe you are really tall when you are only 5′8″.
58- You finally decide to eat at McDonalds to put some solids into your body.
59- You watch an american movie on HBO, with sub-titles, and try to read them.
60- You like to watch CNN or BBC News World on TV.
61- You eat a kebab on the street and call it “Cat on a stick” and keep eating.
62- You see a stray cat on the street and say “Hmmm… Lunch!”
63- You have a washing machine in your apartment.
64- You think that a $7 shirt is a rip-off.
65- You read shanghaiexpat.com and understand what people are talking about.
66- Your work buddy taps you on the shoulder to talk to you, and you say “Bu Yan” (no thank you!) out of habit.
67- You offer to sell your own watch to a $2 Rolex street vendor, to fend him off.
68. You think you should wear nylon sox with your Nikes, stilettos or sandals in the summer, instead of cotton ones.
69. You question the waitress who didn’t cut your steak piece by piece, and ask for chopsticks.
70. You always leave your tray and trash on the table when you are in Starbucks and Maccas because you insist that is the way to keep everyone employed
71. You’re a hardworking person, voluntarily doing over time everyday, because you only chatted with your friends on QQ during office hours.
72. You buy an XXXL T-shirt when you returned home.
73. You take large sum of cash whenever you go to the hospital in your home country
74. You are no longer flinching every few seconds in a Taxi ride.
75. You can pinch off one nostril and let it rip.
76. You chew on “Ducks blood” like a fatty piece of beef.
77. You have no reservations about spitting sun flower seeds on a restaurant floor.
78. You start reaching for a piece of fish with your chop sticks and don’t even notice the fish looking back at you.
79. Walking across the street, against the light, and in and out of traffic is a piece of cake.
80. Your brand new bicycle only cost you $20.
81. Your washing machine looks like it was made by Matell.
82. You are now washing your socks in the sink.
83. You get your ears cleaned in a public square by a guy with a two foot long Q-Tip.
84. You think it’s okay that your girlfriend has a chinese boyfriend too, cause she doesn’t like him.
85. You try to haggle over the rental price of a $110 a month apartment.
86. You accept the fact that the bathroom sink “doesn’t work” and just use the kitchen sink instead.
87. You think it’s silly to buy a new bike when it’ll get stolen soon and stolen bikes are half the price.
88. You relish the thought of pizza hut, but only go on special occasions.
89. You’d rather pay the 10 yuan for an all night stay at the internet cafe than the 30 for a taxi home.
90. You get up early for a backwards walk and thrust your hand at a 45 degree angle into the sky over and over for balanced excercise.
91. When refusing someone something they expected or counted on you just say “Sorry” (buhaoyise) with no explanation whatsoever.
92.When asked your reasons you just repeat “Sorry” (buhaoyisi).
93. You go to Carrefour to shop for girls.
94. You don’t ask your 30 year old girlfriend if she wants to stay over cause you know her mom won’t let her stay out past 2.
95. Ice cubes in beer actually make it cooler and more refreshing ”